What is Self Care, really?
Women are natural givers and fixers. We tend to sacrifice ourselves for other people, for the people we love, for the people we care about. I grew up with a loving mother who always took care of her family first. Every time I go home from school there’s always a delicious meal on the table. She always makes sure our home feels like home. Her strength was in the service of people she loved, not in service of her self-grandiosity.
Yet, I never saw my mother go to a nail spa or a luxurious massage. She doesn’t want to wear any latest outfits or designer bags. Even today when I give her designer bags as gifts, she always refuses to accept them. We are the total opposite! God knows how we always fight over the clothes that I wear when I was younger and even until today.
The Mother Archetype
Carl Jung explains the Mother Archetype:
The Mother Archetype takes the form of personal mother, grandmother, stepmother, mother in law, nurse, governess. Idealized and culturally recognized notions of a mother require her to be self-sacrificial, nurturing, responsive, and empathetic. When there is an imbalance of the archetype in a person, we see the Mother ‘complex’. In women, the complex can result in an exaggeration of the maternal instinct, with a woman living for her children, sacrificing her individuality.Motherhood certainly changes a woman. Our priorities will focus on our children and our family. But how can women take care of themselves? Is it even possible? Is motherhood really the end? Or perhaps we can find a balance between taking care of our family and loving ourselves.
HAPPY MOTHER= HAPPY CHILD Self-care is a buzzword that we hear a lot these days. It’s often used as a blanket term to describe anything from bubble baths to therapy sessions. But what is self-care, really? And why is it important?
At its core, self-care is any deliberate action taken to maintain or improve one’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It’s about nurturing yourself, just as you would nurture a close friend or family member. Self-care is not selfish, but rather an essential part of a healthy and fulfilling life.
We can’t pour for an empty cup. When we neglect our self-care, we can become burned out, stressed, and overwhelmed. We may experience physical symptoms like headaches, and our mental health can suffer. Practicing self-care can help us feel more balanced, relaxed, and energized. It can also help us cope with stress and prevent burnout.
Physical self-care can include anything from getting enough sleep and regular exercise to taking a relaxing bath or enjoying a healthy meal. It’s about taking care of your body so that you can feel your best and be able to do things you love.
Emotional self-care is about taking care of your feelings and managing stress. This can include anything from talking to a therapist or loved one about your feelings, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy.
Mental self-care involves taking care of your mind and cognitive abilities. This can include reading, learning something new, or engaging in activities that challenge your brain.
But is it all there is? What is Self-Care, Really?
Taking care of how we look or what we consume is only at the surface level. It’s a good start but there’s more to it.
For me, self-care means owning my shit. It’s giving myself grace when I make mistakes and at the same time learning from it. Improving myself day after day- mentally, emotionally, and financially. It’s about forgiving myself every time I judge my actions as I can be my worst critic.
True self-care is an inside job.
You can do as much yoga, meditation, massage, or retreats as you want, but if you haven’t dealt with facing & owning your own shit, then you’re not really growing.
It’s about loving what you see in the mirror every day through all your faults & pain and at the same time becoming the best version of yourself.
Here are some of the ways of how I take care of my inner self:
Putting Boundaries on It begins with you- You show people how you want to be treated. Sometimes we allow people to treat us in a certain way. But telling people what you can or can’t tolerate is a game changer.
As a recovered people pleaser, it took me a while to be comfortable in saying NO without explaining myself. It takes practice and self-respect.
Don’t let anyone have access to you. Cut toxic people out of your life. Stay away from drama and put all your energy into people and things that you love.
Having a Rich Inner World No matter what we do, life happens and it’s so unpredictable. And the truth is- people in our lives will distract us. The internet is also full of distractions. People tell you to do this or do that, and give you unsolicited advice but always remember that at the end of the day, it is always your choice- and that is power!
Our inner world is what makes us grounded and centered. People with a rich inner life tend to be reflective and introspective. They spend time examining their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, seeking to understand themselves on a deeper level. This self-awareness enables them to make sense of their experiences, develop insights, and grow emotionally and intellectually.
Cultivate your inner world and your connection with the divine. It’s the thing that will keep you rooted no matter what life throws at you.
Pursue your Passions When was the last time you were the happiest? What is that one thing that you love doing as a child when time goes by fast?
When we do something that makes us happy, we are in a flow state. A flow state refers to an optimal psychological state where a person becomes fully immersed and intensely focused on an activity. The experience of flow can have positive effects on performance, learning, creativity, and overall well-being, as it provides a sense of purpose, intrinsic motivation, and a feeling of being “in the zone.”
Pursuing your passion is about living a life that is true to yourself. It allows you to tap into your unique talents, interests, and strengths, enabling you to make a positive impact in your chosen domain. Whether it’s in your career, hobbies, or personal pursuits, following your passion can lead to a more rewarding and purpose-driven existence.
Connect to your Body Most women are so disconnected from their bodies for various reasons, including societal pressures, cultural norms, and personal experiences. We exist solely from our heads, ignoring the rest.
Women’s embodiment practices are designed to help women cultivate a deeper understanding and acceptance of their bodies, emotions, and unique experiences as women. Some of the embodiment practices that I personally love, aside from yoga:
- Dance/Movement Therapy as a form of self-expression and healing. It allows women to explore their emotions, release tension, and connect with their bodies through creative and rhythmic movement.
- Sensuality and Erotic Embodiment is a practice to explore and embrace one’s sensuality and sexuality in a conscious and empowered way.
- Body-based Therapies like somatic experiencing, body psychotherapy, or Hakomi focus on the body’s wisdom and the integration of mind and body.
You’ll start loving and appreciating your body when you start connecting to it.
Honoring your Choices There is no such thing as a wrong decision- only different ones. Stop doubting yourself and honor your choices. People will project their limitations on you of what you should or shouldn’t do.
The funniest thing is every time I listen to other people’s advice, that’s when something bad happens but when I listen to my intuition, to my inner knowing that’s when everything works out perfectly.
Don’t be afraid to make decisions and stop doubting yourself. Yes, you will make bad ones, but you will learn from them.
Embracing the Gift of Privacy In today’s social media world, people document everything in their life. Oversharing has become a norm.
Do something or go somewhere where you don’t have to share everything on social media. Be in the present moment and enjoy the luxury of privacy.
Remember that what people don’t know, they can’t ruin.
True self-care is an inside job because it requires deep self-awareness, self-responsibility, inner healing, self-compassion, and a commitment to personal growth. By looking within ourselves and tending to our inner well-being, we can cultivate sustainable and meaningful self-care practices that support our overall health and happiness.
The greatest lesson from my mother is that unconditional love is the key to freedom. If we can freely give our love to the people we care about, then we can surely give it to ourselves. Self-care because you know you deserve it! Happy Mother’s Day!
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